Married Life.
It takes a lot of learning, willing to compromise and finding the new you. The thing is marriage changes you. Ive had to do things like dishes and Laundry "YIKES" haha just kidding. But I have had to find a new flow in how I cook, clean and how the two of us co-exist.
I LOVE being married. people often tell me "oh it's just the honeymoon phase" but I almost feel like David and I weren't really allowed a honeymoon phase. Stuff got very real shortly after our marriage began. We were both severely hurt by our previous church. I won't get into it..im done talking about it and re-living it for now (but it happened and I can't pretend it didn't.) I battled with depression and a new found social anxiety. Though on and off in my life I have battled Depression after hard events, It never really lasted longer than a month or so, this bit of depression started in mid 2015 and lasted through most of 2016. Yes even after the wedding I was still struggling. The hardest thing was accepting myself in this new light, I felt so much guilt that I couldn't be who people wanted me to be. It took everything in me to say to my new husband "I AM NOT OK". He was so supportive and so loving and helped me realise that I was broken..but I could be put back together. I wont say I am doing perfect but i've learned how to control my depression and I am learning it's ok to have anxiety, it's ok to ask people to get out of my space (this one is hard..I dont want to hurt feelings) and it's ok to let a panic attack pass and go on with my day. If you had told me a year ago I would be thinking this way I would have not believed it. My Husband and I are the best of friends and in general we are just close. So it may be "just the honeymoon phase" But I feel like we have become so much stronger and closer!
We found a new church. I adore the church where we met.. but my husband had a calling he knew God wanted him to lead worship. So we couldn't permanently go back as much as I loved my church family I knew God had a new home waiting for us. We had planned on trying the waters at different churches in reno but ended up falling in love with the first one we visited. I remember walking in feeling so apprehensive (still wounded) afraid people wouldn't like me, that I wasn't good enough or that I was weird (constant things that go through your head with social anxiety.) But since that day I have known God had some sort of a plan for us there. I've come out of my shell in so many ways and we've gained a wonderful new church family. This brought so much relief to us and to our marriage, i wanted to go to church every Sunday again, I wanted to be in my Bible, and I wanted to be with people. I see so much Joy In my husband now since he has become the worship Pastor. He has a fire for God and it is amazing to see him use it. I saw my husband broken when we were hurt and its amazing to see him whole again.I am so excited to see this church grow and I am blessed to be a part of it.
Over all my favorite part of the day is waking up to my husband! its a dream come true. I wake up everyday so excited to see him (silly right?)
Thanks for reading!!
xOxo〜〜〜〜〜Nica
